i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
