Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
