Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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