so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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