when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
