Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
