i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
