fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
