I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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