My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
