The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
