Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
