o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
