Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
