Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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