whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
