Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
someone owes me an orgasm
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize