I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
