Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
