okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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