Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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