Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
