I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
