Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

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(443): View more from Maryland

Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?

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(630): View more from Illinois

Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard

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(779): View more from Illinois

Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us

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(562): View more from California

I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service

(562): View more from California

And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.

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(909): View more from California

If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis

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(989): View more from Michigan

I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.

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(913): View more from Kansas

I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.

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