She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
should my penis look like a turkey
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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