I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
