so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
