I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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