just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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