she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
