I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
