high people should be assigned attendants
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
