i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
