I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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