My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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