i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
