I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
