I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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