You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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