i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
