Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
