In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize