then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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