i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
