Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
