well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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