I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
