I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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