It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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