Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
