If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
