His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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