Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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