woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
