Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
