Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
D3 body, D1 cock
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
