I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
