i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
