If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
