i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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