he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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