You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
