You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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