I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
