nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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