Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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